I Have Arrived, I Am Home
This is my path to resistance; every step is a revolution against busyness and forgetfulness — the opposite of mindfulness.
In the afternoon during my second day in Jayagiri, I decided to take a long walk through the hiking path of Panembong, which connected Jayagiri and Cikole. Supposedly, the hiking path can even lead us to Mount Tangkuban Perahu. It was around 2 PM, and the weather was very clear; the sky was incredibly blue, and there were only white fluffy clouds scattered throughout the vastness of the incredibly blue sky.
The path went through the dense pine forest of Jayagiri, and it was so steep at first that I had to be mindful of my breath because I was struggling to walk mindfully and was not in rhythm with my breath. But then the walk became easier, and I was walking as if I were kissing the Earth with my whole being, as taught by my teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. I walked slowly, not in a hurry to get anywhere. I’m just walking for the sake of walking and to pay my respects to my ancestors and the Divine, which presented itself in a beautiful pink flower and the ebb and flow of the sound of the wind.
“Most of us walk without chains, yet we aren’t free. We’re tethered to regret and sorrow from the past. We return to the past and continue to suffer. The past is a prison. But now you have the key to unlock the door and arrive in the present moment. You breathe in, you bring your mind home to your body, you make a step, and you arrive in the here and the”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, How to Walk
I Have Arrived: There’s Nowhere but the Here and Now
When I took my first rest in front of an abandoned hut, I was just sitting there, seeing the pine trees dancing in harmony with the wind. The sight of it drives me to tears, for I feel like I’ve seen the Creator and my ancestors in the dance. I feel like I have arrived; I am home. I am only here and now and nowhere else. The noises of our daily lives sometimes make us forget about the interconnectedness of the world, and we’re not mindful with our actions and thoughts.
My walk to the long and winding path of the Jayagiri forest reminded me again that I’ve been living half asleep, filled with forgetfulness, the opposite of mindfulness. I was chained by the past and distressed by the future, always running and never trying to take a steady walk. And in that half-asleep state, I forgot to nurture the seed of compassion within myself and never acknowledged my suffering. As a result, I caused pain to others.
But I have arrived; I am home. And I don’t need to go to the forest every day to remind myself that the seed of understanding and compassion is within me. But it does help to remind myself that there is nowhere but here and now and that happiness, joy, and contentment are always inside of me, inside of all of us. And knowing that, I embrace my suffering — suffering from the endless injustices in the world, suffering from people’s blatant ignorance of the injustices, and suffering from the fact that I’ve chosen a path that will cause me a lot of pain, struggles, and challenges.
Instead of running, this time I am hugging my suffering to calm my frustration and the seed of anger within me. I have arrived; I am home, and I just need to remind myself and practice mindfulness in my everyday life so I can always choose kindness, compassion, and understanding not only for myself but for others — even those who caused me harm.
Resistance to the busyness of daily life, which has caused us to live half asleep and forgetfully, is my path to revolution. This is my path of resistance to the forgetfulness that even the oppressors are suffering, chained to their own fear and desire. The unjust are not to be justified, but rather understood. This was not an expression of empathy or compassion for the oppressors but rather an understanding that they too are suffering, and in their own suffering and forgetfulness, they’ve caused suffering in others. I resist forgetfulness; I choose to be in the here and now, to understand and listen deeply within myself in order for me to be more compassionate to every living sentient being in this beautiful world so perfectly designed by our Creator.
“Around us, life bursts with miracles — a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.”
― Thich Nhat Hahn
